my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
