Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
