You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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