Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
