Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
