Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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