New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
