shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
