.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize