Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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