Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
