just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
