dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
either way he was missing a nipple.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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