Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
