after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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