Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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