Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize