if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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