i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
