I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
