So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
