I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
