how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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