you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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