he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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