so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
