i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was confusing and full of hummus
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
