I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
