nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
