you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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