she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
