I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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