I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
