where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize