I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
