These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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