I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
