Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
