the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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