I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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