"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
