I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
