Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
