i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
