I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
