in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
