Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize