just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
