found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
