Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
