sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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