you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
