no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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