the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
