he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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