i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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