Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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