I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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