No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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