Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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