it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
