her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
