I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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