No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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