Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
