True but thats because hes a fetus.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
