If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Damn victory sex feels great
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize