no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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