I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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