I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
