i just google imaged poop.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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