So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize