Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
