first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
