So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
