Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
