Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
