I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
