Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
