I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize