she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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