i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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