I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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