I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
